Making a life...not a living

I had the pleasure of reading a quote from Maya Angelo today, she said she has learned that "Making a Life is more important than making a living."

I immediately thought, "Well, that is very nice, but... I have  tons of things to get done ALL the time, I don't have time to lolly around doing what I want to do." The concept almost sounded ludicrous!

But is it? After all, we do have 24  hours in every day- just like it has always been.  The same 24 hours that symphonies were written in, paintings were painted in, gardens were planned and planted in, discoveries have been made in, plans have been cast, rockets have been launched.... all in the same 24 hours.How does one make a life for one's self rather than just a living?

As I write this, I am allowing myself time to write- my first love, and I'm taking this time away from my regular day and the responsibilities of my other job. Much of my "other work" is rewarding too, yet it is demanding and built almost completely around being in front of a computer.  Which might explain the extra pounds that end to creep on- like bums on a freight train.... stealthily, quietly...no one notices...except me.... and this is disconcerting, too, just one more thing to think about, worry about; another problem to try and solve. It all seems to be a vicious circle.

Years ago, there was a commercial on television about a baker who every morning got up and with a dead-pan, emotionless expression said, "It's time to make the donuts."  He was like a zombie, getting up and doing the same thing every single day.  Are we like zombies, getting up everyday driving our cars, walking to subways, catching planes and hopping on buses to get somewhere we have to be?  The whole procedure is almost set in stone and we must conform or we run the risk of losing our jobs and our livelihoods.  We are seemingly exchanging the gift of 24 precious hours essentially for a paycheck and this means we are usually AWAY from the very things and people we actually ENJOY.

I am not advocating slothful behavior here and shirking our responsibilities, but beyond the reward of taking responsibility and caring for those we love, I think we must also remember that we need to love ourselves as well.  And that, of course, is the million dollar question isn't it?  How can we make a living and a life and enjoy it?  Is it a mind-set, a mystical perspective that must be achieved so that even though we might not have the time to take an actual walk in the park....we somehow feel relaxed and invigorated anyway?

A good friend and I had a discussion about this subject the other day.  "Why," he asked, "did my grandmother have time to write her correspondence every morning by hand, sending a thank you  note for a dinner party (remember those?) or a birthday present, a casual note to a friend in Cincinnati to say hello... it was all very gracious then, but it was the 40's and 50's then, and times are different now, I guess."
"But," I pointed out, "they had the same 24 hours we do and somehow the world kept turning and things kept getting done." 

The trick here, of course, is the fact that she did not work outside the home and that she had help with the housework that she did have. Many families of middle American incomes at the time, had maids in their homes. Just go through almost any neighborhood home built in the mid-twenties to early forties and you will find a maid's room and bath.  These people were not rich and yet, they had help with cooking, cleaning, running errands.  Our government ended this mutually rewarding symbiotic relationship  when they insisted that the homeowner/employer provide health insurance, social security benefits, withhold taxes... it all became too complicated and the maids and houseboys and gardeners all disappeared almost over night...many to jobs that were not nearly as pleasant or secure as the ones they enjoyed in our homes and neighborhoods.

Households were different then, there was usually just one car and Moms, for the most part, simply did not work outside the home- they were home managing their children's lives, homework, dance classes, piano lessons and little league games and they had dinner on the table at 6 o'clock.  Now, however, moms are not home to do all the things they used to- and the same 24 hours to get things done seems to dwindle dramatically.  Where does the time to "make a life" come from if we are so busy just trying to survive?

Is it reality or is it our perspective that is skewed? For example, the big house we work constantly to pay for...uses more electricity, needs more furniture, requires more gas to heat, demands more taxes to be paid, obligates a larger mortgage to carry. And, I haven't even mentioned the triple garage yet and what is in it. We are working ALL the time just trying to pay for all this stuff.....believing that this is the good life. Well, is it?


If you think about it, we can have almost anything in this country we want, but we cannot have everything.  We can buy almost anything if we are willing to pay for it ...somehow, but, and this is important.... we cannot buy one minute of time!  Not one single minute- not even Ophra or Donald or Warren Buffet can buy one minute of time.

So, what are we exchanging our 24 hours of time for in the end?  Just stuff?   Every man must, of course, work for a living, unless they were dropped into a trust fund gene-pool, and if we want ends to meet, put our children into good schools and colleges, most of the time, women must work, too.  But the questions begs to be asked, are we exchanging our precious 24 hours for just materialistic stuff.... rather than irreplaceable memories, moments of introspection on top of a mountain somewhere..or the peacefulness we might find running along a path in a city park, or the warmth we feel from the smile of an old man as we hand him a meal in the soup kitchen?  I should point out here that I like cool stuff as well as the next person, but are we selling our lives short just to have so much of it?
                          

Making a Life is a beautiful, decidedly thought-provoking idea.  but, I have learned there is a price for everything...... what price are we willing to pay for "Making a Life" for ourselves and our families and just exactly how do we define that?  For myself, I have decided that Making a Life is giving back somehow, sharing myself and my experiences with my children and grand children, but also making sure that I share monetarily from any success I may achieve with others who might be having a more difficult and tougher time.  How we make a life for ourselves can be defined then as, "how we can help not only ourselves, but the reward we feel in sharing with others to make a better life as well".

Making a life, as it turns out, appears to be a mutually satisfying, symbiotic relationship with ourselves.