WAITING....

Have you ever noticed that most of your life you find yourself waiting?  Waiting to be picked up and fed and changed, waiting for Santa or your Birthday or for school to be out?  They say anticipation is greater than realization and now that I am older, and I can look back and at many, many realizations such as marriage, births of children, new beginnings of businesses, moving into a new home, trips to Europe with my daughter, seeing my grand children and I have to say, I've never been disappointed- the REALIZATIONS have it!


But now, I have someone I know, someone in our family who is very ill and has been fighting a horrible monster inside of him for 15 years.  The time has come and he has had to lay down his sword and shield and bow in submission to a tireless foe living in his brain.  He has an impressive entourage of wonderful friends and family championing him on, a loving wife who has  never missed a step beside him to surgeries, to radiation, to countless rounds of chemo and MRI's, blood tests and transfusions and always there has been a feeling of solidarity, of oneness among those that would pick up a sword along side him, if only they could. 


News came a couple of months ago that the foe had changed his skin, that he had become resilient and morphed into something that so far, no one had found a way to defeat and that is when the waiting began.  This waiting is not in excited anticipation, this is a waiting of watching and wondering.  My husband, his brother, and all of his family and friends were stricken with the reality of fate and fatigue and finality that they saw for him in the days and weeks ahead.  Tears were shed in frustration and disbelief and yet, there was a celebration that brewed just beneath the surface of solemnity.  I watched as this sorrow transformed as well, silently morphing into a celebration of effort and desire to make each day and each hour left of his life something remarkable with as much love and dignity, support and reassurance that any of these fellow champions could give to him. This eagerness was welcomed but soon brought into line by a protective wife and knowing caregivers who turned well intended visits, of often 5 and 6 friends at a time into an order of rest and sleep and  15 minutes visits of one or two and the moments of wakefulness and lost abilities to speak, stand, even sit up were  all compensated for with even more love, more caring  and more support.


I watched from my remote branch as the scurry of family and best friends surrounded him.  A concert, they had all planned months earlier to see James Taylor was transformed into tickets being given to other cancer victims and his friends, after patiently rescheduling three different weekends, finally getting the opportunity to visit and watch en group old James on video, drink beer and present my brother-in-law with a signed picture of James- wishing him good luck.  A much anticipated event, executed beautifully in an entirely unexpected manner- that in many ways far surpassed any of their original anticipations.


We are back to waiting again, getting reports of good days and bad, days of anxiety and no appetite right next to days of smiles and nods, strawberries and cream, toe-tapping to his favorite tunes and entire afternoons of quiet slumber.  The warrior is still fighting, we are all still praying and learning to appreciate each of our own days a little more as we enjoy our family, hug our kids and cut into to a thick steak right off the grill.  We make our plans with perhaps more gratefulness now, carrying into the rest of our days the knowledge of how precious life is, how important each day is with all of its surprises, joys, disappointments and challenges... all bound tightly together as we live in quiet anticipation of all our tomorrows however many there may be.